Posts Tagged ‘D&D’

Your dog thinks you’re a wizard.  After all, you can do so many things that seem like magic to them.  But what level wizard?  Let’s investigate:

(I will use D&D 5th edition in what follows.)

Control flames.  (Cantrip) Your dog sees you light candles at will.  Impressive.

Create bonfire.  (Cantrip) Your dog is even more impressed when you light a bonfire in the back yard to make s’mores.  Can I have a s’more?

Dancing lights.  (Cantrip) Ever mess with your pets with a laser pointer?  Or even just a flashlight?  Apparently you know the spell dancing lights.

Light.  (Cantrip) You turn off the lights in your house instantly, with the flick of a switch.  But dogs don’t know about light switches.  You’re a friggin wizard!

Find familiar. (Level 1) Out of the blue, you get a new dog, or a new cat.  What’s up, hooman?  Didja summon a new familiar?

Alarm. (Level 1) I like how you wave your fingers in the air, hooman, and make beeping noises— and suddenly a magical alarm system is set!  Clever!

Sleep.  (Level 1) Remember that time you drugged Fido before that long car trip?  You know the sleep spell.

Silent image.  (Level 1) Ever turn on your TV without the sound?  What does your dog think of this?

Knock. (Level 2) Mysteriously locked doors are all just open to you.  Dogs don’t know about doorknobs, or keys.  They think you know the knock spell.

Phantom steed. (Level 3) It’s incredible how you can just animate that hrududu (i.e. car) and ride inside its belly, and then de-animate it when needed.  Might not be “phantom steed” precisely, but it’s at least a level 3 spell.

Summon fey/lesser demon/shadowspawn. (Level 3)  Argh!  You’ve invited a strange hooman into the house!  You’ve summoned a shadowspawn!

Scrying.  (Level 5) This is just turning on your TV.

Contact other plane.  (Level 5) The most impressive spell you can do: talking on your cell phone.  To other people.  Sometimes with pictures.  This is some high level wizard shit.

Conclusion.  You know at least two 5th-level spells.  If I am not mistaken, this means you are at least a 10th level wizard.  At least, to your dog.  No wonder your dog is so impressed.


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