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## Why Barney the dinosaur will kill you

Here I present three new mathematical discoveries for your edification.

1. According to Alexander Pope, “The proper study of mankind is man.” Symbolically,

S(mankind) = man,

where S(x) is the study of x. Now, Aldous Huxley tells us that “The proper study of mankind is books,” or

S(mankind) = books,

from which we can use the transitive relation to see that

man = books.

Of course, “Man is the measure of all things,” [Protagoras] so we immediately find that

man = books = μ(ξ).

Recall that μ(x) is the notation for the measure on a set, and we’ll use ξ to denote the universal set (ignoring Russell’s paradox as being too annoying). We already have a number of new apothegms, including

• The proper study of mankind is the measure of all things
• Books are the measure of all things
• Women are books

where in the final example we have used Henry Adams’ quote “The proper study of mankind is woman”. Of course, the astute reader will note that Cicero’s quote “So many books, so little time” then takes on a whole new meaning, as noted by the Robert Cray band.

2. We now move on to the observation that theology is the study of theology, a fact which is self-evident. In our notation this becomes

S(theology) = theology.

We can then do multiple substitutions to learn that

theology = S(S(S(S(S(S(S(···))))))).

It is now evident that theology, at its core, is the study of an ellipsis; it’s turtles all the way down.

3. We end with the following logical proof. Consider Nietzsche’s observation that “that which does not kill you makes you stronger.” Let

K = something which kills you,

S = something which makes you stronger.

Then Nietzsche’s quote is simply

~KS.

Applying the contrapositive, we see that

~SK,

meaning that anything which does not make you stronger must kill you. Barney the dinosaur certainly doesn’t make anyone stronger; therefore Barney kills.

You’re welcome.

### 8 Responses

1. Applause!

2. I am going to have purple nightmares….

3. I knew it. That purple fiend!

4. Hilarious. Just hilarious.
Time to remind some parents not to let their children watch Barney shows.

5. Reblogged this on Lunaculi -Moonlit Eyes- and commented:
Hilarious proof is hilarious. The mathematics of this proof is so elegant I cannot restrain myself from reblogging this. Enjoy!

6. I showed in my blog BB King likes all music. Paraphrasing myself from there:

While driving, I typically listen to Sirius Satellite Radio, dividing my time between BBC World Service and Radio Classics (a channel devoted to the old time radio dramas and comedies). BBC is advertisement free (excepting adverts for its own programs of course) but Radio Classics has advertising for various things, including other channels, on the half-hour. One of the channels advertised is BB King’s Bluesville.

During the commercial, BB King comes on and says (as close to verbatim as I can remember) “I’m the mayor. And if BB King doesn’t like it, I figure no one else will either.” Huh. This is, in logic, known as an implication, i.e., if A then B, or A->B (pronounced “A implies B”). This implication is, as the saying goes (and as can be shown in a truth table), logically equivalent to | B -> | A (man, I wish I had more symbols in the Blogger interface: -> is an implication arrow; | is negation or “not” so that | B -> |A should be read “not B implies not A”).

Let’s look at the essence of BB’s statement: “If BB King doesn’t like it then no one else will like it.” Using the logical equivalence above, this translates to “if not no one else will like it then not BB King doesn’t like it.'” Next, “not no one else will like it” translates to “there exists someone who will like it.” And “not BB King doesn’t like it” translates to “BB King likes it.” Thus, BB’s statement is the logical equivalent of “if there exists someone who will like it then BB King likes it.” I’m confident that there is no music such that there does not exist someone who will like it. Thus, there is no music that BB King does not like.

I’m guessing that that’s not what he meant.

7. […] Why Barney the dinosaur will kill you | Many Worlds Theory. […]

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